News from the not so distant future,
Canada Declares United States Blighted
Art Vandeley-Staff Writer
Canada, long concerned with it's dirty, hard drinking, overweight, natural resource wasting, Mexico touching neighbor to the south, has declared the entire continental United States blighted.
"We have been looking to redevelopment the US for quite some time," explained the Canadian prime minister, Paul Edgar Philippe Martin. "The entire territory is in serious blight and this is the most prudent course of action."
Besides having four first names, Martin looks forward to cleaning up the former super power. Plagued by dirty streets, bad food and unsavory people commonly known as "rednecks" and "yuppies", Martin cites that the time is ripe to bulldoze America's dilapidated cities in favor for newer and quainter shopping villages.
American's will be giving compensation for their land acquired via eminent domain. "They early American settlers gave the indigenous Indians shiny beads for payment for the land, so we figure that will be good enough once again."