Tuesday, October 04, 2005
City Council Unearths Magical Zoning Amulet
After years spent poring over mysterious and arcane plat sheets and deciphering long-forgotten building codes, the Encinitas city council unearthed the mysterious City Zoning Amulet Friday.
"Behold!" Jerome Stocks shouted, holding aloft the solid-gold amulet, which is emblazoned with the Ever-Evaluating Eye of Surr-Vey, Lord Of Demarcation, He Who Measures And Assesses. "With this sigil, the power of zoning comes. Through me, the power of zoning flows! All will behold my power, and I shall bow to no man when designating matter-of-right developments for major retail and office spaces to a maximum lot occupancy of 75 percent for residential use!"
Christy Guerin took her turn and held the glowing amulet aloft and transmuted a neighborhood of low-income apartments into a semi-wooded, single-family, residential district with an adjoining riverside park.
Though the amulet had long been dismissed as urban legend, a mythical ideal of zoning perfection handed down from city planner to city planner, the Encinitas city council became convinced that not only was it real, but that it had been used to lay out the cities of Ur, Atlantis, and Inver Grove Heights, MN.
apologies the the onion.com