Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I know what is best for everyone

Listen to me, because I know what is best for everyone. There are a great many problems facing America today, and I have all the answers to all of them.

Everyone should listen to what I have to say and heed my advice because I am correct. When I say that lowering taxes is the solution to the Social Security crisis, you should agree. We can reduce juvenile crime by requiring school uniforms. It is crazy to pay a man $10 million just because he can put a ball in a hoop. Consuming a daily dose of Vitamin E will result in healthier, stronger dental tissue. No daughter of mine is going to step foot inside a church wearing a miniskirt. Those fat cats in Washington deserve each other. Parker pens are simply the best writing instruments on the market.

If your daughter is getting married, the groom's family should pay for bar expenses. Higher tariffs mean protection for America. It is important to support your local YMCA. Listen to me. We need longer jail terms for repeat drug offenders. If you are having a cookout to entertain friends, make both beef and chicken available. Wildly patterned ties are tacky–the simpler, the classier. I am right.

I also know the solution to the issue of campaign-finance reform. I wrote a letter to The Encinitas Post-Gazette to inform the citizenry what needs to be done, and that letter was published on Oct. 9. If you wish to know what needs to be done about the problem of campaign finance, you should find a copy of the Oct. 9 Encinitas Post-Gazette.

How do I know about everything? That's simple: by being smarter than everyone else.

Take, for example, the city council's plan to build a community swimming pool. They are wrong, and I am right. Not only will a community pool needlessly raise property taxes, but the traffic will double, causing delays for those heading to the Ecke shopping area. I have alerted the members of the city council of this fact, but they have failed to heed my advice, because, as I mentioned earlier, they are not as intelligent as I am.

One of the things I like best about myself is that not only do I know what is best for everyone, I always make sure to come forward with this information. I do not passively sit by, doing nothing about the problems around me. As soon as I determine what is right for my community, state or country, I speak up about it, writing a letter to the editor of a newspaper or talking about it loudly at a local park.

I also know what is right for individuals. I recently informed Patti and Gus Schmidt that their son Steven was smoking pot, and I told them they should put a stop to it. The Schmidts are not perceptive, so they did not notice the warning signs of drug abuse. Fortunately, I am extremely perceptive and was able to intervene.

Tomorrow, I am going to write a letter to USA Today about the problem of international terrorism. That will solve this serious problem once and for all. Thank goodness for me.

24 comments:

  1. Stop whining and drink the kool-aidDecember 05, 2006 11:51 PM

    When did Danny write this? I missed this speech. Or was it Jim Bond writing it and Danny just reading the words?

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  2. Naw, Men are not smart enough, the writer must have been a woman.

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  3. UCLA 13 USC 9.Taxpayers funded football, surfers loose again.

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  4. Anonymous about football,

    What are you talking about. USC is a private University and UCLA football is supported by the income from the program, like TV contracts. In fact it funds all the sports programs at UCLA not your tax dollars.

    I guess you didn't attend either of these schools or you would know the difference.

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  5. This is easy. It is Pattison. Who else is that arrogant? Well maybe others, but he is perhaps the most vocal about how right he always is.

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  6. UCLA eats tax dollars mandated by law,green potato chips do not support Trojans unlike Bruins they come from hard money.Yes I am a Trojan for life, a sports letterman and graduated barely.By the way,Get your facts straight some Bruins go on to the real world of competition like Gil Moreno captain of the 1954 national champion team, he was self employed and became a multi millionaire.

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  7. It is funny, some how I got into the BS archives from December of last year. I started reading and it took a while to figure out I was a year off. The bloggers and the arguments are the same then as they are now.

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  8. Not quite the same, as C lost after that, I believe, and now Bossy Guerin is going up the ladder to a bigger govt. trough to feed upon, on our taxpayer dollars through Bilbray and his antics.

    And now we do have some fresh perspective on Council, as Teresa Barth is sworn in tonight. That's a big change, NTL.

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  9. Well, it was exhilirating to see Christy Guerin step down, but had to sit through a "declaration" by Jerome Stocks from Gov. Arnold, and presents by DEMA, the Chamber of Commerce, Fire Dept. (who gave her a helmet, first time ever, they said, not going to a retired firefighter). Also, we heard a long presentation by Phil Cotton, our new City Manager about all that was accomplished in Guerin's tenure. What bugged me was that he said he spoke for Council, staff and residents. He sure wasn't speaking for some of us!

    Finally, Teresa Barth got to take her rightful place, to thundering applause, and hoots and hollers, a standing ovation.

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  10. At the meeting tonight, seemed like the audience was expected to clap for Christy Guerin every time someone gave her a new gift or plaque. So Teresa Barth was a refreshing change.

    Teresa began by making a courageous motion that because Maggie Houlihan, who had gained more votes than anyone in Encinitas history, in 2004, was skipped in the mayor rotation, that she should be made deputy mayor and James Bond should be the new mayor. Maggie seconded it for discussion.

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  11. Bond, as usual, went on and on about his 14 years, not making logical sense, rambling. Dan Dalager made a substitute motion to have Jerome Stocks be next in line. Bond and Stocks said the mayor serves at the pleasure of Council. Bond said, once you elect us, we get to decide.

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  12. Bond, Stocks and Dalager didn't seem to care that Council is supposed to serve at the will of the people. The audience did. Two people, Bruce Ehlers, and a nice lady, spoke to the fact that the tradition has been that the person with the highest popular vote gets to go into the rotation to be mayor within two years.

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  13. So the vote was three to two. Bond, Stocks and Dalager, voting against Teresa Barth and Maggie Houlihan.

    Maggie is looking good, and she spoke strongly tonight. Teresa Barth looked radiant, too, had on a beautiful Lei.

    Dalager looked grumpy, with a scowl. Bond couldn't remember that he had said before that Maggie's light, to speak, had been lit up, and he almost didn't let her speak. He was rude to Maggie, really, talking about people stamping their feet and complaining, when no one had done that.

    Jerome Stocks was rude to Sheila Cameron, as usual, by implication, when he tried to suggest that she was removed as mayor, outside of the rotation, "with cause." Many people are offended by off the cuff remarks like that, Jerome. We know you read this, and post here.

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  14. I thought it was interesting that when asked in what order the motions should be voted upon, Dan Dalager said that according to Robert's Rules of Order, the substitute motion should go first, then if it didn't pass, the original motion.

    Glenn Sabine, our contracted "City Attorney" countered with:

    "It's a good thing I have so much experience; Encinitas has no bylaws and Council had never adopted Robert's Rules of Order."

    Basically, he said Council could impose any "protocol" it wanted to, at any time. This is more "unfettered discretion," and is not honoring the wishes of Council's constituents, the citizens. From the people there; we would have liked to have Teresa's motion pass. Maggie deserves her shot.

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  15. Fuckin Stocks in the Mayor seat as incumbent into the next election. Too Bad. The only good thing is Stocks will likely hang himself in the eyes of the voters other than developers. Bonds has a good chance of stepping down. That dude does not look to good. I think he better enjoy his little time left on this earth appreciating some of Earth's simple pleasures and let some other resident with more common sense run for council. Time to step down old man. 12 years of riding on a fictious English special agent name is long enough. I voted once for 007 because I thought it was cute to have 007 on our council. Never again.... he's numbers are more like 666 to Encinitas.

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  16. Three new fire stations at $20,000,000.00 for one fire hat and a few parties, seems like a pretty good deal for our fire department union. What next- a brass badge for 100% of their highest years pay after 5 years. Ever wonder why the hard hitting republicans Stocks and Bonds are all supported by the fire department? Answer-This town is so run by the fire department its sick. What's up stocks and bond? Forgot what republican's stand for. Oh yeah- Your the Bush type of republican. Meaning your going to sink our town into debt with all the government tit perks you'll give to your fire department bed buddies. I am surprised the fire department let Christy retire to the fat federal government tit.

    Find your integrity.

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  17. Bond has been on Council 14 years, going on 16.

    I hope to God we can figure out how to have a referendum, come 2008, to have an elected mayor, and to set term limits. Say three terms, max, if two are too few.

    Twelve years is more than enough. I'd rather go with eight.

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  18. Last night was depressing with the three men (Bond, Dalager, and Stocks) voting against the two ladies (Houlihan and Barth) on both motions. The first motion was for Bond and Houlihan for mayor and deputy mayor, the second for Bond and Stocks for mayor and deputy mayor. The three chauvinist pigs triumphed.

    However, the two ladies both looked radiant and poised. Maggie was as strong and confidant as I have ever seen her. A good omen. The men were scheming and conspiratorial. Bond was rambling and boozy, and very red nosed. Stocks, responding to Maggie's challenge, stumbled momentarily, and his voice actually cracked for a moment. He was like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. And poor Dalager! He glared and scowled, then gave his rehearsed remarks. He has sold his soul to the devil.

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  19. Someone suggested it, it's time to consider a recall election for Stocks and Bonds.

    I am sure we can come up with a list of grievances that will sell a recall. What we need are replacement canidates.

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  20. The worst part is that our fire department can barely put out a fire. Maybe it's time to end the practice of turning surfers and lifeguards into firefighters.

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  21. Some of the firemen are too busy running their surf school out of the fire station.

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  22. Firemen - GOOD
    Cops - BAD
    Surfers - GOOD
    Non Surfers - KOOKS

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  23. Retire Fire FighterDecember 08, 2006 9:23 PM

    Yeah right- I got mine. Try 60% of my highest paid salary after 20 fun years. FOREVER!

    Try-

    Firefighters- Cake Job boarding on workfare or lottery. Firefighting has and could be mostly handled by low paid workers or volunteers.

    Cops- Hard Job and worthy job.

    Surfers- In tune with mother earth especially the ocean.

    Non Surfers- Better be hiking in the old growth forest or getting the hell out of suburbia to get in tune with mother earth. Otherwise your brain will rot.

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